Hit-N-Record
Welcome to Hit-N-Record!
I'm Keno Manuel, a filmmaker passionate about exploring the stories of creative minds and sharing their journeys with you. On this channel, you'll find authentic, inspiring conversations with innovative creators from filmmaking, photography, and beyond.
Every episode, I sit down with local creatives to dig into their successes, challenges, and the lessons that shaped their paths. Whether you're an aspiring filmmaker, an entrepreneur, or someone who loves personal growth, Hit-N-Record is here to spark your creativity and motivate you to achieve your goals.
Subscribe and become a part of the Hit-N-Record community—new episodes drop twice a month on Spotify and YouTube.
Hit-N-Record
"Hemophilia shaped my life. Storytelling gave it purpose." | Patrick James Lynch's Filmmaker Journey
When Patrick James Lynch's brother died from complications of hemophilia weeks before Patrick's college graduation, everything changed. What followed wasn't just grief, but a profound calling that would reshape his entire creative path.
In this deeply moving conversation, Patrick shares how he transformed from an aspiring actor into the founder of Believe Limited, a production company dedicated to storytelling for rare and chronic disease communities. His journey reveals the unexpected power of creative arts to reach people in ways traditional medicine cannot. After witnessing how a simple dramatic reading helped uncover stories that years of formal therapy couldn't access, Patrick found his mission.
The conversation weaves through Patrick's global advocacy work, from creating web series and documentaries to traveling to countries where children with hemophilia face dramatically different outcomes than those with access to treatment. Rather than succumbing to survivor's guilt, Patrick channels his privilege into amplifying voices that might otherwise go unheard.
Perhaps most compelling is Patrick's candid discussion of his own mental health journey. By openly addressing depression and trauma within rare disease communities, he's created space for crucial conversations about suicide prevention and psychological support. His evolution as a leader—from the young advocate wearing blazers to "look the part" to a seasoned CEO comfortable in his authentic identity—offers wisdom for any creative navigating purpose-driven work.
As Patrick works to complete "Poster Child," a decade-in-the-making documentary about HIV/AIDS advocate Ryan White, he reflects on the bittersweet nature of his calling. "My brother started all this as much as I did," he says, "but at this point, I don't do it for him. I do it for the people who are here now." This powerful reminder speaks to how our deepest wounds can become portals to purpose that extends far beyond our personal healing.
JOIN OUR COMMUNITY:
Discord: https://discord.gg/y6MdmHEGJS
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hitnrecord/
Website: https://www.hitnrecord.com
Weeks before I am set to graduate. I've got agents lined up. I have summer stock theater festival lined up. I've got projects for the fall. My little brother dies. My little brother, like me, was born with severe hemophilia.
Speaker 2:When we deal with trauma, there are other experiences in life that we often see and then interpret in our own ways that actually heals it. Were there any moments where you worked with people that helped heal some part of that trauma as you worked on your projects?
Speaker 1:I started doing some work with a group of drug users in the Lower East Side of New York who went to a harm reduction center, met with them, interviewed them. I brought in actors I had worked with them after turning these three-hour long interviews into 10-minute monologues and finding the ways they could interweave and making a little show out of it that we could bring back to the clinic, a talk therapist who works at the clinic comes over to me he says you know, james has been coming here for almost 10 years and he has never told me the story, but he told it to you and he allowed you to put it up here as part of this. And that was my aha moment. I am a producer who wants to do stuff that matters. If my films can get on major platforms, you best believe. People with hemophilia around the world are going to take pride in that, and they should On some level. All of us are on stage that day.
Speaker 2:What do you think he would say about the life and impact that you've created? He?
Speaker 1:started all this as much as I did, but at this point I don't do it for him. I do it for the people who are here now.
Speaker 2:All right, guys, welcome back to another Hidden Record episode. This is going to be a different one. It's a virtual interview coming from someone who's in LA, and he's a filmmaker based in Los Angeles and a very, very, very, very, very, very well-known health advocate for the blood hemophilia. Correct me if I'm wrong for that community, for the blood hemophilia. Correct me if I'm wrong for that community. And this is the type of episode where we're going to dive into how he successfully made an impact on that community by bringing awareness through so many beautiful short films.
Speaker 2:Blood Bombardier I don't know if I'm saying that right on the stutter, even though that's a different. Just look at his website, it's pretty cool. That's a different. Just look at his website, it's pretty cool. And not only that, we were also getting a deep insight into how he was able to turn a condition into something that he was able to thrive with as a creative, because there are a lot of creatives out there that do deserve some kind of spotlight on their condition and how they were able to make it through that challenge and how they were able to make it through that challenge. And that is where Patrick, this wonderful guest guys, I want this episode to be so inspirational for you especially I'm talking to you, people with disability and hearing loss. You can do this. If he can do it, you can do it.
Speaker 2:So that is pretty much the gist of the episode. As you can clearly see, I'm very excited. It's already off the charts. But how do you feel about this, patrick? How are you just of the episode? As it can clearly see, I'm very excited. It's already off the charts, uh. But how do you feel about this, patrick? How are you feeling so?
Speaker 1:far dude, so far great, except that I you've only given me the assignment of having to inspire everybody that's listening.
Speaker 2:So yeah, no pressure on me or anything right off the job you're good, you're gonna do great, uh, but so, uh, let's kick this off with basically tell us who you are, what you do for the audience that are now discovering you for the very first time.
Speaker 1:Action Happy to do it. Thank you. It's an honor to be on Hit and Record and you are so passionate and compassionate and, as I was sharing with you before we recorded, I have felt that from you leading into today. So thank you for setting us up for success. So you did a nice job.
Speaker 1:My name is Patrick James Lynch. I'm the co-founder CEO of Believe Limited. We are a content agency and independent production company that specializes in storytelling as it relates to rare, chronic and complex diseases and disorders. We've been doing that for about 12 years.
Speaker 1:I myself have severe hemophilia A. That's a blood clotting disorder, which means when my blood vessels burst which actually happens all the time we have small blood vessels that burst and repair all the time we don't even notice. But if you are missing certain proteins that are involved in that process, you have what's called a bleeding disorder. So I am missing the factor eight protein, one of the proteins that's involved in creating a stable blood clot for a blood vessel that has burst. So I have to take medication regularly to essentially replace that protein or replace its function in the body. So that's hemophilia A. Hemophilia B means you're missing another one of those proteins so similar but a little bit different and, in short and I know we're going to dig into all this, but in short, I started doing this work because, on the heels of coming out of a theater conservatory for college, I went to Boston University's School of Theater. I found the creative arts and theater late in high school. I obsessively ran towards it. It was like I finally found my thing. And weeks before I am set to graduate, I've got agents lined up, I have Summer Stock Theater Festival lined up, I've got projects for the fall. I've got all the things you hope as a 21 year old about to graduate, you know a premier undergraduate conservatory. And four weeks before I graduate, my little brother dies.
Speaker 1:My little brother, like me, was born with severe hemophilia and he was in college in his freshman year and unfortunately we don't know exactly how he um, uh, he had a brain bleed and we don't know how it started. We have some theories, but the critical lesson was that he had stopped taking his therapy for hemophilia, treatment which he should have been taking every other day. He had stopped taking it for at least a period of many, many days, which meant he had nothing in his system. Point being, whatever exactly happened, he went to bed that night and never woke up and if he had had his medicine in his system, chances are he would have woken up with a head bleed and with pain and needed intervention, but he would have been alive.
Speaker 1:So, on the heels of that experience which obviously on a personal level is a trauma that impacts me personally still in ways that surprise me, and I'm like it's been long enough, aren't I over this? No, there's no such thing as over with grief. That's not how it works. But the thing that I was struck by was essentially this calling because I knew the arts and the creating of stories and producing, in particular creating opportunities where they didn't exist. I went to school to focus on acting but shortly after I graduated and I'm dealing with my brother's death and I'm still going to the summer stock thing, but now I'm like half zombying through my life. I don't know what's going on anymore.
Speaker 1:I started doing some work with a group of drug users in the Lower East Side of New York who went to a harm reduction center and harm reduction centers for those who are not familiar the mission is kind of in the title. The idea there is to reduce the harm that an active drug user is inviting into their life. And now these started as needle and syringe exchange programs during HIV and AIDS to try to stop the spread. Look, if you're out there on the street and you're shooting drugs, at least shoot clean. Come in with dirty needles and syringes, we'll exchange them for clean ones so that we're at least stopping the spread. Based on that, harm reduction models have expanded to offer a drug user any number of services beyond just needle and syringe exchange. Well, I met with about a dozen clients of this one particular center in alphabet city in manhattan and for a few hundred hours met with them, interviewed them, hand transcribed those interviews because this was back in like nine ten. So, oh my gosh, it was way before ai could do that for like virtually yeah, and immediately, so it was me listening back to tapes at times, uh, typing everything out and then turning them into monologues on the heel
Speaker 1:of this experience. We put this staged reading show up at the clinic and we did a couple rounds of this, but the very first round and this goes to how producing and then ultimately believe limited came to be I brought in actors. I had worked with them after turning these three hour long interviews into 10 minute monologues and finding the ways they could interweave and making a little show out of it that we could bring back clinic. So the first time we do this, there's a guy in the show or a guy we featured in the show. His name is James and after it's the show's done, a talk therapist who works at the clinic comes over to me yeah, talk therapist. And he says you know, james has been coming here for almost 10 years and I see him most weeks. He shows up and he has never told me the story about and honestly, man, I don't remember what the story was at this point, but that's not the point he was like. But he told it to you and he allowed you to put it up here as part of this and now I can bring it up to him during our next session and be like hey, man, man, we never talked about again. Whatever it was let's dig into that. And that was my aha moment because I realized that as a producer, I had a vision for something how this approach to we were calling it like experimental drama therapy how this could be meaning, create a meaningful impact. I had the vision for it.
Speaker 1:I went to the place, I talked to the people, I whittled down those stories into the 10 minutes. That felt like that was the rock. I found the actors. I rehearsed with them a little bit, I coordinated on them coming to the center and making sure it was cool with the center. We did it. The actors did amazing work in street clothes, with music stands. This was nothing fancy, but the heart of the show was so big the clients at that center, the people who participated and the other people who were there that day. It was like church man. I mean the call and response with what was happening, like that room was alive. And then this dude comes up to me afterwards, this medical professional who's been working with this dude in our show for a decade, and he's like but because you did this, we now have more information about what's going on in this guy's life and I can bring the confession.
Speaker 1:And I thought I don't care about Taco Bell commercials.
Speaker 1:I don't care about a walk on, roll on law and order up the fire pole or whatever. I don't care about being so-and-so's boyfriend in some dumb movie that no one's ever gonna see and it certainly ain't gonna change anybody's life. But yeah, no one is doing this. No one is coming to this center talking to these largely unhoused people about their lived experience and turning those into shows that will make an audience care about those characters, their stories, their needs, their struggles, their triumphs. And the only reason this happened, the only reason this therapist right now, is like for 10 years I couldn't crack something that you've given me an into. The only reason this was happening is because I decided it should.
Speaker 1:I am a producer, and I am a producer who wants to do stuff that matters. I don't care, I'll figure out how I make money, I'll figure out how I make it sustainable. What I do know is the stuff that's paying me right now, the stuff that I'm, like, supposed to be going after as a young actor, as a young artist. It ain't nothing compared to what I myself can create in this health space if I'm just unleashed. I had a proof of concept, so that experience is what led me to then pitching the very first project that we did as Believe Limited, a comedic web series that we use to teach important lessons, and everything that has come since it started at that harm reduction center, and that aha moment where a therapist made me aware that I had an into certain things through storytelling and the arts that he did not in 10 years as an amazing therapist.
Speaker 1:So that was the beginning of of like how it went from. I have found the arts. I have found acting. I have found theater. As a kid who grew up loving sports but had hemophilia and couldn't play, I thought I found this thing that was now my own. My brother dies. Now I've learned. Okay, I'm not going to pursue this thing in the quote-unquote conventional way. I have a calling to use what I've got going on here for something more specific, something more targeted and something that's going to enable me to see the impact of the work that I'm doing. Again. Don't know how I'm going to get this supported. I don't know what my other ideas on this thing I'm doing with all these drug users here, but that was the start and from there everything else has flowed.
Speaker 2:That was that I still get the shivers when I think about the part that really touched me the most was the fact that you were willing to put yourself in an environment where not many people don't even think about. It's most hard conversations are required to make a societal change and you're right, there are so many shiny movies out there, but it's like but what is that going to achieve? Achieve, and so one what it really takes, a certain type of mindset and a type of person with all of this, um, trauma, and this deep, deep desire to really make a change, and the fact that you took the step to literally put yourself in an environment where most people will be very uncomfortable being in and they would just rather get in and get out. Yeah, and that's really admirable.
Speaker 2:And the one thing I really wanted to know was, like throughout that journey, was would that, when you experienced the loss of your brother, were there any moments that that you, that you experienced that, healed that part of trauma? Because sometimes, when it, when it comes, when we deal with drama, trauma, there are other experiences in life that we often see and then interpret in our own ways that that actually heals it? Um, so were there any moments that you, where you worked with people like that, helped heal some part of that trauma as you worked on your projects that's a very insightful question and I'm glad you ask it because my story, a simplified version of my story, is.
Speaker 1:I was born with this thing, so was my brother. He died. So I'm using my skills and network to try to impact people like him and many others and that's a true version of the events. And I remember early in my career there were some stories written about me, or Believe Limited that would have headlines about like, from tragedy to comedy, you know, and turning death into life and like these, like and I get it. But what I didn't realize until probably, I met my wife. So I've been married for seven and a half years. I've been with my wife for about 10.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I've been with my wife for about 10. I think it was only then that I started to realize that, while I had used the energy of my brother's death to propel me into this mission, to respond to this calling, and it gave direction to everything I did thereafter that wasn't the same as healing. Healing is different and I see a lot of people in rare disorders and chronic disorders advocates who have some painful stories, like my own, where either there's been some notable loss or they have a child with the thing, and so many times they're using that energy to do good and that is incredible. But I've been aware, made aware over the course of the last 15 years, just how many of these people are functioning with a high degree of unresolved trauma disease. There is a lot of trauma in those who choose to devote so much time to health advocacy, trying to change policy, trying to change protocols at schools, at employers, at insurance plans, state level, federal level, globally, and work is needed. But I have observed, wow, a lot of us and I include myself who are this committed to doing important work that changes people's lives, who have disabilities, rare diseases, chronic conditions, are living with trauma, are living with active trauma. They are functionally traumatized people and again, I include myself.
Speaker 1:When I met my wife, I started to, I think, because my relationship to her and the intimacy that we were building as we were dating and engaged and newly married was probably the most amount of intimacy and closeness I've had with a person other than my brother. I've never quite put it in those terms, but I think that's about right. And I was made aware that while I was doing so much good as a result of his death, I personally was still largely unhealed. I was still largely traumatized. And I'll be real, honest man, I had my therapist pointed out to me just a few weeks ago and this is not the first therapist to point this out to me that there's like still a lot of grief, there's still a lot that I'm carrying, that I'm holding.
Speaker 1:So I think it's important for your listeners to hear both sides of this message, and I mean by that. I've been able to do a lot of good as a result of what happened to my brother. It's given me mission, it's given me purpose. I've been able to change lives. I created a business around it. It sustains me and my family. We have 15 employees. Their families are sustained professionally. Lots of good, but on a very intimate personal level, the kind that you're aware of when your head hits the pillow at 10.30 at night or whatever, there is still a fair amount that I have not healed from. So to answer your question directly, the relationship to my now wife, I think, was the first big step in realizing just where I was or wasn't in the journey, and I am admitting that I am by no means healed.
Speaker 1:I am by no means over it. And I have also come to accept, no matter how many films, videos, podcasts, web series, books, live events, exhibits, keynote speeches, I've done it all and I've done it all in hemophilia and my brother is still dead. That doesn't change. And at a certain point I had to kind of say that to myself and like grieve a little bit for the part of me that was holding on to some impossibility that if I just did the right amount of stuff, that at some point either he'd magically come back or I would magically not be sad about it ever anymore. That's an illusion.
Speaker 1:So do the good work as a result of the tragedies and the hardships that you face, but also do not deny your own personal experience, and it is okay. It is okay If I am personally struggling at a level that feels greater than all this good I've been able to do, or that it doesn't mean the good is invalidated. It doesn't mean I'm an imposter, it does. All it means is I'm a human frigging being, and two things can be true at the same time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that I mean what you're. A lot of what you're describing is basically reminding of this paradox that I've come to learn, which is the wounded healer paradox, where you're used, you're, you're going out there and you're healing so many people, but you're not healing yourself and, at the same time, a lot of the things that you also described reminded me of one of my favorite stories. I think it's the greek stories. Um, it's the icarus. We I do like as creatives.
Speaker 2:The way you're describing yourself it's you're reaching so far and up all the way to the sky for one mission to really help others and make a societal change, but at the risk of burning your wings.
Speaker 2:That where, eventually, if you don't look after yourself, you're just gonna fall, and that's what happened to Icarus. So a lot of your stories like it's a lot of self inflicticted wound that we don't recognize, but at the same time, we overcompensate by helping others, because sometimes the real truth is sometimes you don't even want to accept the reality. You know, loss is such a concept that I honestly think it's still filled with shame, and I hate that because a lot of people are not willing to talk about it. They're not willing to just, and especially when it comes to being open about it. A lot of people treat it as if it was just a subject that is like a black swan type of subject. They don't want to touch it, but it needs to be talked about. Otherwise, like you said, we're all highly functional, traumatized individuals, but we need to talk about it. And the thing about that is, I'm sure, when you finally open up a part of yourself to your wife and then do you have family like kids by any chance, I have a daughter.
Speaker 1:I have a three and a half year old daughter named Vivian.
Speaker 2:Because, like as a father, I would imagine. By the way, guys, I do not have kids. I'm sorry, I don't know if I'm ever gonna have one.
Speaker 2:I don't know, but as a father, though, not only are you helping other people out there, but you also now have an additional responsibility of translating how your kids would need to respond to trauma like that, and that's a big responsibility, because what you've done is again you went on keynotes and done a lot of those, but the next step beyond that, I would imagine, is the kids that need to learn from you. And so, with everything that you've had to learn to deal with, how do you see yourself as a creative and also creating and fostering an environment where, in your family and also in your work, where, no matter what kind of things, especially trauma, death, all kinds of trauma, especially with your employees, what are you going to do to foster that kind of environment, to make sure that type of topics are welcome and also not faced with any sort of judgment?
Speaker 1:Man, you got great questions, so I you know you bring a couple things to mind with that question. The first is I started talking about my experience with depression in 2016 or 2018, one of those even-numbered years, I don't remember, maybe 18. 2016 or 2018, one of those even numbered years, I don't remember, maybe 18. And, um, I then got treatment for it and I remember being with my company and you know, there was maybe eight or nine of us at the time and I had been away for a little while as a result of what I was doing to take care of myself, and I wasn't sure what I was going to share about that when I came back, because, you know, I'm the CEO, after all, I'm the advocate. Aren't I doing well? Aren't I the? I'm a leader. I can't be suffering. You know. That's not acceptable. That's the, that's the internal narrative. And, um, I just trusted myself to be honest and at the first full staff meeting when I came back, I told everybody what was going on and I told them that I'm okay. I'm okay and this is not a cry for help Like I'm now being cared for and managed and I'm aware of these things, but I want you to know why I've been a little absent? Because I don't want you to wonder, I don't want you to feel like something's being kept from you. I don't want to encourage you know gossip and that kind of stuff, and I want you to know you work at a place where it's okay to say this stuff. I want you to know that if you're not doing okay, you can talk to me, you can talk to Amy, you can talk to Rob, you can talk to people at this company the leaders and say, hey, I need a beat or I need support, or I don't even know what's wrong, but I feel screwed up and I don't know where to go. We're the kind of company where you can say that and it won't be held against you. And I think that was important for me because it clarified how I felt about the environment that I wanted to create for my little universe, my little Believe, limited world. So that was an important move, and that move came hand in hand with starting to publish blogs and podcast segments about depression, anxiety, complex PTSD.
Speaker 1:The more I came to understand about these things, the more I wanted to share it. I would meet, you know, an expert of some kind on some area of mental illness and I would be like will you come talk to me on a podcast, or can I interview you for a thing, or can I quote you in this thing? Yeah, and I watched how that opened people up. I could, I started like anywhere I went within the bleeding world, in particular, everywhere, people coming up to me. Thank you for what you wrote, thank you for that thing you did, thank you for it allowed me to. It allowed me I was able to. Now they're doing this. Will you speak at this thing? Frankly, it hasn't stopped in the last like six, seven, eight years. I'm I'm six days from now.
Speaker 1:I'm part of a global stigmas and mental health and hemophilia hackathon, like it's it's become a big part of my workflow in the space and I'm reminded I'm so glad you asked the question the way you did one more story I'll share on this. I'm'm reminded that in 2018, I was at a global bleeding meeting and connected with an advocacy leader there who I very much respect, who's very in touch with things and he's always trying to solve problems and he's got a lot of energy. I always love running into him and he was upset about a guy who had recently committed suicide, a guy with hemophilia, and he was the latest in a string of people with hemophilia and rare bleeding disorders that we were losing to suicide. And this guy made the point to me when is someone going to speak up? When is someone going to say this is a real problem, we are losing people and people are suffering above and beyond what's acceptable, but because it's not bleeding, we're not talking about it. And these environments where these folks show up and feel safe and they're here for their healthcare, but because it's not bleeding, we're not talking about it. When is someone finally going to step up? And I do not think I've never asked him this, I do not think he was sharing this with me as a covert like when are you going to step up, patrick? But that's how I received it, because, as he was saying this, my brain was going well, if not me, who? If I'm not willing to step up because he even cited I know that people with platforms like they're in leadership roles and they work for companies maybe they work for a specialty pharmacy or a pharmaceutical company Are they going to come out and start talking about their experience with generalized anxiety or moderate depression or complex PTSD? They got a lot to lose. And but when is someone going to do something? And I was just thinking like I can give you the reasons that I will, but that's the same as that guy and that guy and that guy. So if not me, then who?
Speaker 1:And it was after that interaction that I actually first published something, because I was like you know what he's right, like the need is too great. There isn't a singular voice or a singular message or a movement of any kind that I can confidently say no, we're addressing this, it's being handled in this way. So I'm going to write something. I'm going to start talking about this Anytime I'm in front of a microphone. I'm going to start building this into all of my different programs and curriculum we're going to. We're going to make this a thing and we did so.
Speaker 1:To your question, like creating that environment, you know, I kind of take it's a lesson I learned as a camp counselor. It's great being a camp counselor where you know I'm with camper Stevie and we're going to go down to fishing and then I'm going to bring him to the high ropes course and we're going to meet the cat at lunch. Me and Stevie are going to have a great day. But then I became a unit leader and now my job isn't about Stevie. Now my job is about all 12 kids, my six staff, my three program staff who are with us halftime, the two volunteers, one of whom is middle-aged and has never been at a camp before. The other one is a returning camper that thinks they run the joint. Now my job, environment and this team.
Speaker 1:To the point that you made in the question and I think the same sort of thing happened in my mental health journey and bleeding disorders where it started with I need to understand my own truth, explore it. I'll share it with my wife. Okay, I'm going to share with my company. I'm expanding the bubble a little bit. And then there was a tipping point, right this moment, where the guy's like when is somebody going to say something? When is enough enough? And that was my moment to go. You know what I have to be the unit leader here? I have to the environment. I'm not going to solve this problem, but someone does need to create the space, the environment, the permission structure for other people to start talking about this, for the experts who can do things to start doing things. Someone's got to do something, and it may as well be me, and that was.
Speaker 2:That was that experience first of all, patrick, don't ever think you're giving too much stories. The stories are freaking, are? Those are the reasons why they need to hear. Those stories are amazing. And second, oh boy, hey y'all for you viewers. I know this, we just started, but this about to get really hot. All right, we're about to spit some fire. But first of all, thank you so much for literally opening up a lot of the parts of those Because one you know oftentimes, especially when you're in a position like that where you are, oftentimes we find ourselves having to be careful of what we need to say because of the image, reputation that comes to the forefront.
Speaker 2:Which leads me to the question that I wanted to ask.
Speaker 2:Now that you've grown into a position as a leader and a health advocate, I know that it can be hard to just try to maintain this persona where you're trying to portray for the good of the organizations that you're trying to represent.
Speaker 2:But at the same time, I'm sure there are a lot of sacrifices that came to maintaining that, because, as a leader, I believe that in order for us to get to the next level, we have to give and we also take. What we give up, we have to take, but what we want to take, we have to give up that certain thing and that usually, if we're not careful about that, then we're not going to be the right type of leader that we aspire to be. The second thing I wanted to say was, as a leader too, how are you making sure that you're not also taking bad parts of other people's story? Because if we're not filtering out in the right way, oftentimes we would implement how it's the bad parts of the stories that you've heard and experienced into our lives, where it's like, basically it's now bleeding into our personal life where it's not going to be doing anybody good. So how are you making sure that those are not blurring the lines in between, if that makes any sense?
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, another great question, man. So, um, to go to the point, about leadership in general and image management and some of that, you know I, given that I've been doing what I've been doing now for 12, 13 years, I've had a few different seasons, you know, with this um, and I mean there was a period where, like the title of chief executive officer, like it took a while for me to be like I don't think I'm going to be anything.
Speaker 1:I don't think I want to be an executive, and what the hell is an officer like? I'm a producer, I'm a creative, I'm a director, I'm an actor, I'm an advocate, but I don't think I'm a chief, an executive or an officer. I don't know. All three in the one like it. But you know, eventually I came to appreciate look, man, you can be as uncomfortable with it as you want, but at the end of the day, like the proof's in the pudding, the job is what the job is and for the purposes of people knowing, like, who does what here and how to interact, you just have to lean into the fact that that is what you are. And and I did. And at first it was like, oh well, a chief executive officer, like do I have to wear more ties? Do I have to? And there was also a period where, like everybody was called everybody on Instagram, like 10 years ago, for days, everybody was like CEO, like my life, like everybody was calling themselves a CEO for like existing. So I also did not want that. I was like I'm not. This is not some, like you know, surface level brand play on social. I'm just accepting reluctantly that I've got this like clunky, fancy title that feels a little ill fitting. Um, so there's been evolutions. I'm at the point now that I've had enough lived. I've lived enough of my life in this role and position, in this company, on this mission, with these people in these spaces. People have seen me at my best. People have seen me at my worst. You know I produce at least two podcast episodes every month for the last eight years. People are getting updates all the time. So I've sort of gotten to the other side where I think I am more authentically myself now than I've been in a long time. Most of the time there's not a big difference between me talking to you on this mic and when we finish and I go downstairs and see my family. I have a dinner commitment tonight. I'm going to be much the same person and then I have a late night business meeting with somebody and I'm going. I'll probably be a little more tired, but I'll be basically the same person and I'll wear the same stuff, like I've. I've kind of gotten to the other side.
Speaker 1:When I was in my mid twenties and just starting out, man, I was a blazer, jacket and tie nonstop, because what I, what I could not stand was the amount of times people be like, oh, you're so young. Like, oh, you're rising star, oh, you're so young. Ah, you're just a kid. Oh, how old are you? And so it was like, wait a minute.
Speaker 1:If I just, like you know, put on these clothes and I'm I'm a tall, I'm six, two. So if I put on a blazer and I stand in my spine like all right, I at least feel a little bit more like I can hang with you 30, 40, 50-year-old executives who know a lot more about business than I do. So I did that for years and I'm still quite comfortable in a jacket. But I'm the kind of guy at a wedding who wears his jacket and tie to the bitter end even though I'm on the dance floor. Like guy at a wedding who wears his jacket and title the bitter end even though I'm on the dance floor, like that's my style, I'm cool, I'm good in the jacket and tie, but like this is much more me.
Speaker 1:So I think I've gotten to the other side of that on the leadership perspective, to the point about boundaries and not letting the work bleed over. You know that's. That is a for me'll just speak for myself. It is an ongoing challenge because I don't work on things that I don't care about. And then even within Believe Limited, you know we have 15 employees and a bunch of permalancers and freelancers. We have dozens of projects every year.
Speaker 1:I'm only tactically within the project, working on so many projects, right as an executive on a higher level, contracting, setting up the right stakeholders. What patient advocacy group do we want to work with? I'm involved in a lot of that, but once the project's actually like foundationally set and going, I'm only involved in so many. So all the more so those that are on my plate most immediately, I care a lot about, or they wouldn't be one of the ones on my plate. So being able to shut it off, being able to say you know, I think you've spent enough time on the edit of this thing. Like you need to be done now, like your family is waiting, your life is waiting, you haven't eaten in 10 hours. That can be hard. Working on material about people with bleeding disorders and parts of the world where they do not have access to therapies, and children are lucky to live past 10 years old. Children have joints the size of like volleyballs because of all the bleeding that's happening man I can show you.
Speaker 1:So you mentioned Bombardier Blood, my documentary about Chris Bombardier, first guy with hemophilia to climb the seven summits, including Everest. In the first five minutes of that film we show you what it looks like for certain patients that don't have access to treatment. Chris has access, can climb Mount Everest. People in the country. Everest exists in Nepal, one of the poorest nations in the world. They're lucky if they live past 10 years old. And if they live past 10 years old, the quality of life, the professional aspirations, their ability to partner, the stigma associated with having an elbow that's the size of a basketball yeah, you can't walk like it is night and day. So working on that story, working on stories of people for whom, that's true, can be very emotionally taxing and needing to like step back, you know, and guilt comes in. Why am I, the straight white American with access to treatment, when you know my buddy over here in the Philippines, like is having this other, totally different experience? And it's just because he was born over here? Like it had neither of us did anything to deserve our lot and yet it absolutely defines the trajectory of our lives. But the thing that I've come to appreciate is that none of those people want me to live anything than the best life possible. So when I first started going to El Salvador, india, nepal, wherever else we've been we've been on every continent. We've been to dozens and dozens and dozens of countries, sometimes some of them three times over, four times over at this point, for various work. I'm not always going these days, but when I was over and over again, when the people would learn I had hemophilia too and they'd see me moving around and they'd see my health and they would be like what are you? You know? Or in in some cases, they know who I am already. All they like they were excited, they weren't. No one was like how come you're privileged? And I, no one was saying that that was my own guilt, yes, brain, trying to give me reasons to think I'm less than like it's. That's not it. Like. These folks just want me to be the best version of me, because they want to be the best versions of themselves, and some part of them connects, just like when Chris climbs that mountain. Some part of them feels like they're up there too, and I get that because, guess what, I feel that way I'm never going to be up there Like I might be healthier than my metaphorical friend in Nepal with a basketball knee, but I ain't healthy enough to climb to the top of Everest. So I know what it feels like to be like that guy has what I have. I relate to that guy. He relates to me, and look what he's capable of. No part of me wants to tear him down. I want him to go further because I feel connected to it. So why is it different? Because it's me. These people want me to go further because they're connected to it.
Speaker 1:If my films can get on major platforms, if the work I'm doing one day is nominated for an Academy Award, you best believe people with hemophilia around the world are going to take pride in that. You best believe people with hemophilia around the world are going to take pride in that. And they should, because on some level all of us are on stage that day. I get that. I didn't then. So it's become a little easier for me to work on some of these things where the material can be really emotional, because I've kind of gone through that journey of realizing if I fall into guilt or survivor guilt or privilege guilt or any of that kind of nonsense, it's unproductive, it's self centered and it's not what anybody is asking for, so I've been able to sort of move past that. I do still sometimes, though, just need to like shut the laptop, go for a walk and accept that, like there are only 24 hours in one day, you can only make so much progress at one time. Yeah, balance is an important part of long term success.
Speaker 2:Hi guys, kino here Just wanted to take a second to say thank you so much to each and every single one of you that has been with me on this journey for Hidden Record and just sharing all these stories of all of the creatives that have appeared on the show. If you enjoy deep conversations like this, make sure to hit like and subscribe on YouTube, and if you're listening on a podcast platform like Spotify, make sure you follow that so you won't be out of the loop for every month, because I try to drop at least two episodes. So grab your popcorn and soda and let's get back to our conversation. The part, the reason why what you do is so important. And then like what? Just not even just blood hemophilia. Like what I want to help people with hearing loss too and so the part that I love.
Speaker 2:What you said is they need to feel like whoever, wherever they are at, they can feel like they can make it to the top of the metaphorical I'm sorry I have speech impediment the Mount Everest, but we need people to support them. And the other thing about that is just like when you mentioned about the Philippines. I saw that documentary to save one life Philippines, that's when. That's when I I'm from philippines and and when I saw that documentary, I was like, okay, I need to do whatever it takes to freaking, get him on the camera and talk about that because, oh, wow, I shot. This was something that I worked on years ago when I was like you're young, you know, you're just a kid, do whatever you want to do.
Speaker 1:But I was like laser on you, put your tie on but no, dude philippines, it's so humid.
Speaker 2:So no, hell, no to the freaking blazer that's fair, okay?
Speaker 2:no, thank you okay but I was shooting this documentary because I had no idea what the hell I was doing. But when I was shooting it it was for the kite organization and, like what you said, where you feel, you almost feel so weird about having the access to the medical equipment that you have here. Yes, and I have equipment here, but when I visited there with the kids, the kite organization was basically dealing with kids who are mostly terminal and there was, when I was shooting a documentary, there was this one day where this kid was wide awake and he was getting a spinal tap awake on a freaking gurney. The hospital itself was not even so close to being equipped like medically prepared to deal with that stuff. But you know, there's such a beautiful thing that happened there.
Speaker 2:At the same time, there was a kid that, unfortunately, who passed away. I was I, I he was a, he was a, he was someone that I could not. I would never forget this moment, even though he had like a terminal, uh, cancer. He was encouraging this kid like no, it's okay, you can do this. He was. He was younger than I think, less than eight, and he was just telling johan that's his name, by the way johan was telling this kid it's like, it's okay, I'll get you candy. And this kid, um, I watched my my aunt was one of the doctors too. She I think she was helping put, like the spinal tap, this long needle into the back and he was like you can clearly hear him wanting to cry. But Johan was just there just comforting him.
Speaker 2:And there's such a beauty and even, no matter where you are, if you have that, there's always going to be those type of people that, no matter what kind of access that they have, they're still gonna feel like they have everything. But that that was the most emotional part when I saw to save one life in, uh, philippines because you took the time with your belief company to represent uh, the other parts of the world where they're not well, they're not. There's not a lot of awareness to that. It's like how, how was it, knowing that you're here with everything that you could ever have, with the services, with health insurance, everything? How does it feel with that guilt, knowing that you there's some parts in that world where you're not going to be able to make a difference in terms of providing that medical equipment? All of that? How does it feel from a CEO standpoint with this company where you know you can make a change. But how does it feel to see firsthand experience with those type of communities in other parts of the world?
Speaker 1:Well, I feel empowered and motivated now because, as I said, I went through a journey where guilt and shame and why me? And all that kind of stuff was more prevalent. But I'm on the other side of that now and I believe I have a global responsibility because I get invited on podcasts, because I get invited to give keynotes, because I get invited to do stuff and people want to talk to me about things, so I have an opportunity to go. Oh cool, you want to talk to me about something? Let's talk about women with bleeding disorders and how grossly underdiagnosed they are, how disbelieved they are, how globally there is stigma related to menstrual health, related to women's health, related to sexuality. There's patriarchies and misogyny. There are all these forces that mean, if you're a woman with a bleeding disorder as opposed to a man, that somehow you're not entitled to a diagnosis, that somehow your symptoms are all in your head, that somehow there's no data to support that therapies are for you. I'm never going to be a woman, but as a man with a microphone, I can share his health, support him. I'm never going to be a woman, but as a man with a microphone, I can share his health, support him. I'm never going to be the guys in the Philippines with hemophilia, but I got a microphone in front of me and we're talking about them right now. So I think my responsibility is to make sure that, as I continue to have opportunities and as my company, my programs, my name, my whatever continues to draw attention, that I use that attention for good, that I amplify those who don't have these opportunities and that I try to think creatively about things we can do to make a difference. I'll tell you right now I'm working with people in Nigeria trying to figure out how to bring diagnostic lab equipment and technicians to villages throughout Nigeria to bring diagnosis of bleeding disorders to the people and to give credit where it's due.
Speaker 1:This wasn't my idea. This is actually something that's been done by a woman named Megan Aditeron, who founded the Hemophilia Foundation of Nigeria, and because of the genetic nature of hemophilia and because one of the major hurdles to getting people diagnosed in remote parts of the world not even just developing nations like Nigeria here in the United States rural areas that are hours and hours and hours away and in some cases, in some parts of the world, a day or more's travel away from somebody just to get a blood draw to get diagnosed and then they go home. Hey, you got the thing. Come back to the hospital Now, meet this person. Now you go back. People aren't doing that, so we're not diagnosing them, we're not identifying them. There's no government registry. The government's saying we don't have hemophiliacs in this country. Yes, you do. They're just dying and not diagnosed. They're all over the place.
Speaker 1:So this woman, megan, came up with this great idea what if we could bring the diagnosis and the education to the people? And she was able to find enough support to run a pilot program that we're now trying to scale up and create a documentary around. So this is going back to the harm reduction center. No one was saying hey, patrick, you really got to talk to all these drug users about their life story and make a little play out of it and bring it back here and put it on for everybody. No one said that. I thought that might be important and I learned it really was. Nobody said hey, patrick, you've got to work with this woman named Megan to figure out how you can get six souped up vans all across the enormous nation of Nigeria to diagnose patients all throughout the country. And, by the way, no one's asking you to do it. There's no leads on who could financially support that. There's nothing, but that's where I go.
Speaker 2:Let me at it. Let me at it so like.
Speaker 1:I just view my responsibility as I represent the world. I may be a white, straight American born in New York City, but I represent the world. My dad's an Irish immigrant. My whole family, like everyone in my family. Somehow everyone's an immigrant. I'm like wasn't anyone born here? How is like everyone an immigrant somehow?
Speaker 1:But anyway, so like I just feel like I am much more a citizen of a global rare community Rare one in 10 people is not so rare of a global rare community rare one in 10 people is not so rare. I just so happen to live here and with that come all these opportunities for me to do great stuff for people elsewhere, and if I feel guilty or undeserving or any of those things, I'm just doing everybody a disservice. It's a giant waste of time.
Speaker 2:You know, you mentioned a lot of things where it sounds like you're getting pulled in multiple directions and which leads me to wonder, to wonder at one point, like, going back to what we said earlier about as a leader, it's like we often give and take. It sounds like, after getting pulled to towards so many directions, at one point, are you making sure you're not losing, um, the internal identity, part of yourself where you know you want to work on things that you can call your own, instead of having to constantly fulfill other people's wishes that are not necessarily your responsibility? But yeah, you want to do it, but how do you make room for yourself? Like, how can you make sure you're not losing every part of yourself in your work? Because, let's be honest here, I just got off a few edits and I'm like who am I now?
Speaker 2:I think I lost a bit of part of myself, because it's like how are you not? How are you not losing who you are while making sure that I don't know? It's like you get. You're getting so pulled into many directions. How the hell is that possible?
Speaker 1:Again. Man, you're good at this, it's a real thing. I mean, I had to contend maybe two, three years ago, so I'll be 39 in November. I started all of this at 25. And I didn't necessarily realize at 25 that if this goes well and this trajectory goes a certain direction you made the point earlier about sacrifices I didn't necessarily know that I was retiring from being a professional actor in any capacity, maybe forever.
Speaker 1:I wasn't necessarily signing up for oh, I'm never gonna direct, you know, regular movies or something like hollywood movies yeah, like hey, I have a script about you know, I have a rom-com set in new orleans that I think is fun and interesting, but again like sort of who cares? But I'd love to do it, but what kind of impact is that really going to make on the world? And and so now, as I approach 40 and I'm married and I have a kid and I have a mortgage and I've got all these employees whose health benefits my company's responsible for there was a reckoning a couple of years ago, to just accept like hey, man, you maybe didn't sign up to, like not, you didn't realize you were closing some doors, but you kind of were. And it's not that you can't reopen that, it's not that I couldn't decide. You know what I wanna do, some acting this year. But like where's that time coming from? You know where's that availability coming from? And also my muscles, like let's that availability coming from? And also my muscles, like let's not pretend you can just plop down and get back into it, like I am out of practice.
Speaker 1:So I have lost some parts of my identity and I've had had some, some little dreams and some little ideas that I've had to be okay with letting go, and in some respects maybe it's a boomerang right, like, maybe I'm letting it go because in six years it's going to come back in a way I could have never anticipated. And, to be honest with you, I'm starting to see some of that. I'm starting to now oh, I didn't know I was I am going to get those kind of directing opportunities. It's just going to come differently. I am going to get these kind of writing opportunities. It's just going to be a little bit different.
Speaker 1:So I haven't articulated this before, but I think a couple years ago there was a, there was a reckoning for me. I've let go of some things that I wasn't fully aware I was letting go for maybe ever. Yeah, I'm kind of in the next chapter where I'm realizing that by letting those go and by becoming okay with it and focusing on what it is I am doing, stuff is kind of starting to come toward me. You know, it's almost that law of attraction thing.
Speaker 1:I think I put into the world. You know what, I'm not going to get distracted. There are these other things and there are, but there's always a billion things. I'm doing what I'm doing and it matters and I'm going to keep doing it and like, from that moment it was like, well, there's another stuff that may be. So. You know, I think it's just. You know, I think it's an evolving process of we have seasons of our life where I mean baseball used to matter so much to me, you know, so much to me.
Speaker 1:Growing up I I couldn't. I grew up in New York. Aaron, judge plays for the Yankees. I have just named every New York Yankee I currently know on the roster. That's all I can do and that's fine. That identity has shifted and I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm not a professional actor. I don't have a bunch of credits as an actor. I don't have these experiences as an actor that when I was training as an actor and working and getting compliments and da-da-da, I envisioned all these things, those things didn't happen. This other cool stuff has happened, but those things didn't happen. Okay, that's part of my story, that's fine. I'm okay with it now. So I guess acceptance it's learning a bit of acceptance and and there's a warning in the way you framed the question too, of burning out, of losing self.
Speaker 1:I do think it is important and I admit to not being particularly good at this to be disciplined and proactive about our self-care. I love the wounded healer thing. Man Does that resonate? Self-care and self-love for as much as I talk about self-care, I'm embarrassed to admit does not come naturally to your boy. I need, I need people to be like you have to drink water. My wife sometimes at some of the work meetings I go to, will just like follow me around and like hand me water and like hand me a quinoa dish because like I don't eat, I don't drink, I'm not going to the bathroom, I'm just like going, going, going, going going. And she's like you're gonna fall apart, like you have to take care of yourself.
Speaker 1:it's a real silly story, but it's indicative of a larger trend in my life where I do prove myself in the work that I'm doing, I give myself over and I have had to learn over time the signs that I'm going a little too far or I might be approaching my limit. And, frankly, getting older, having a kid, you know, parts of me are just not as able to go, go, go, go, go, go, go go in the way I once was. And there's a blessing in that, you know. It kind of forces one to have to slow down when it's like, hey, my body at this age, like I need a break, like, oh good, I'm getting a break then, because five years ago I would have been like, no, keep going, but I needed a break then too, you know. And now my body's just, I'm old enough that my body's like, no, no, you really need the break. And I take the break.
Speaker 2:You know one thing. I love that because whenever I'm on set, I'm always telling put, put down the camera. I don't care, go put down the camera, go get a drink, walk your ass over there, get a drink. And it's like always making sure that they're taken care of. And then they get, and but they say, hey, can you get a drink? No, we need to go right now. Um, one thing, one thing I recognize, and what you said was this so, by the way, uh guys, remember, if you're looking for any uh podcasts, you can look at us on Instagram and everything. There's a lot of wonderful. There's a Bloodstream podcast. I believe I said that. Right, please, listen to it. Okay, please, okay. But there was a thing, there were a couple of things that I recognized in what you said was this let's put some facts on the table right here, right now.
Speaker 1:First of all, happy early birthday.
Speaker 2:My birthday is november 2 so november 21, so november 30, you're, you're wait. Are you a scorpio sagittarius?
Speaker 1:I'm on the other side, okay?
Speaker 2:well, I don't really care about the signs. I was just curious. But you know, happy early birthday to you. Second, okay, here are the facts that I just heard from you.
Speaker 2:You're already approaching the age where you're in a different place mentally and especially psychologically. And also the way you understood your own world you mentioned earlier. When you were young, you said, yeah, you know, I had to deal with everyone, you're too young, you're just a kid, it sounded like. And then you had to change a part of yourself to feel like you were accepted in a group of people that would recognize you as more than just a kid. So in any way, you were changing a part of your identity. That wasn't natural for you, but you just did it because you felt like you had to do it in order to feel accepted in a community or environment where they would actually accept you for who you are. When you're really not so little things like that. And then your self-care, like your wife just going, hey, um, honey, please drink some water, okay.
Speaker 2:So at an age where you are in a different place, how do you look back on those moments and how do you interpret them in a way where you're going to be a different person for a better reason, like you're going to be a better off. How do you look back on those experiences to make sure that you don't repeat them and to also make sure that you are going to be taken care of without having to depend on anybody else, especially your family and your wife? We always still have to remember to take care of, without having to depend on anybody else, especially your family and your wife. We always still have to remember to take care of ourselves. So what are you? Let me regain questions. What are you going to do because I need to edit this shit too what are you, um, in a place where you are different now, how do you look back on those experiences from before, from a younger version of patrick, to where you are now, in ensuring that you are going to be better off in the future?
Speaker 1:To younger Patrick's credit, I think I had a lot of decent ideas. I think showing up to meetings in a blazer and tie, when I'm talking to pharma execs and marketing directors yeah, could I have gone in there with my tattoos flying and a cut off shirt, the hair wave yeah, I could have. I could have. But you know what? I was nobody at all. I'm still nobody, but at least now I've got a track record. So when I show up in my hippie hair and you know, a little more relaxed, frankly my record speaks for itself.
Speaker 2:But back, back then.
Speaker 1:I didn't have a record. I didn't have a track record. You know I was an understudy when I a few times on some interesting Broadway, off-broadway and regional theater gigs and you know, as the understudy my job is to meet expectation as best as possible. My job isn't to make the role my own. This isn't like Patrick's version of Hamlet. This is Patrick is understudying Jude Law's version of Hamlet. That didn't happen. He did play Hamlet on Broadway. I did not understudy it, I'm just kidding. But that's the role. Because in the understudy rehearsals the stage manager is going to tell me where to stand. They may give me notes if my delivery of a line is a little too slow or too quick relative to the person who usually does it. That the light cues are based on.
Speaker 1:My job is to step into something and to look and meet the part before any of my special patrickness shows up. Just let you know how wonderful I am. I'm there first to serve a role and I treated my education like I have an acting degree. I didn't go to graduate school. I don't have a business degree, so as I was trying to start, I had to look the part. I had to go there and demonstrate a willingness to learn. I have something to say. I have something I want you to listen to, but I'm also here to learn because I know the only way I'm going to get what I want is if I understand what you need out of it in order to support what I'm doing. This needs to be mutually beneficial for us. So if it's just all about me, me, me, me, me never going to happen. So I want to look like someone you recognize. I want to learn the language you're using so I can use words you recognize.
Speaker 1:Meeting people where they're at. The very first project, comedic web series, was about let's meet young people who are online by creating funny web videos, why they watch funny web videos. Let's stop creating these stale, boring e-flyers and pamphlets that no 13-year-old is ever, ever, ever, ever going to pay attention to. Let's meet them where they're at. Well, that's true when you're trying to reach young people with hemophilia. It's also true when you're trying to reach executives who can decide on the future of your project, or investors who you're saying I want to do a fancy documentary, will you put a few hundred thousand dollars into it? I mean just the optics alone.
Speaker 1:If I dress in a way that says to you hey, I'm responsible and I know what we're doing here today is important. That's changing something, that means something, and I'm not being false, I'm just accepting that in order for us to best communicate, I need to demonstrate to you that I care about you, that I respect you, and part of that is showing you that you're safe with me. I may sometimes use different language and get into creative stuff, and I'm a patient and I know. If it's a patient in some of these rooms it's like, well, there's a patient here, we have to. I get all that, but I am here to work with you. I want to work with you and from how I dress to how I talk, to the way my proposal is structured, I am demonstrating that I care about how you learn and listen. So I think sometimes the idea of meeting people where they're at is something we selectively apply and we forget that, like the elderly grandparent who isn't as socially aware as someone else, we've got to meet them there and work from there.
Speaker 1:The really young brash teenager whose parents have split and there's a real acrimony in the house and they're rebelling. That's where that person is. You want to impact them, Meet them there. Well, the same is true for us creatives and especially, I would say frankly, for us creatives living with disabilities, diseases and conditions. If we want to get stuff done and we want people who hold the purse strings and hold the power to support us, we need to do everything we can to demonstrate we're with you, we care about this. It means something, mean something.
Speaker 1:One little other piece I'll share that's always stuck with me. When I was like 11, I heard Jerry Seinfeld answer a question about why he always wore a suit when he did stand-up comedy, and his answer was because when you come out wearing a suit as opposed to most stand-up comics, who's a schlubby sweatshirt or whatever he's like when you come out wearing a suit, you immediately tell the audience something important is about to happen. Same logic If I walk into a meeting and the people in that meeting have the ability to yes or no my project from the moment I walk in, I want them to know that I believe something important is about to happen. So I think younger Patrick had a lot of good ideas. I think younger Patrick could have also relaxed a little more.
Speaker 1:I was so dead set on this mission and it almost became like, in order to survive, I need this to work. Um, and I think that it has something to do with the trauma of losing my brother and transferring this energy and like connecting to survival achievement, which isn't healthy in the long run. But I think that was going on. So I had a lot of trouble, just like being a dude who could go hang out, like even if I was meeting somebody at a bar, going over to somebody's house they're having a gathering, I've got a little notebook on me and I'm showing people the things I'm working on and I'm like what are you working on? Like I'm, I couldn't just be like how's your sister, you know? Like I, I couldn't just relax and I still struggle with it.
Speaker 1:But you know, a single 25 year old Patrick in New York. I wish he could have relaxed just a little bit more. But I appreciate everything he did, because without it I'm not here now.
Speaker 2:So that that's how I kind of look back on that time from now I I thought you couldn't be any more accurate with the fact that like uh, hey, uh, all the conversations I have with uh, my friends now, it's like what are you working on? They're always asking that question. I'm like no, I don't want to hear about this. Please tell me, how are you doing in your life? Okay, just just tell me. I don't want to talk about work, it's so annoying.
Speaker 2:But can I ask you don't mind me asking- I'm about to be 26 and no november, and I'm I.
Speaker 1:I honestly think that, that I think people in their mid-20s now, and probably people in their teens now even more so, are a little more how are you oriented? I think there's been in the last 10 years, uh, an awakening of the importance of mental health, the prevalence of mental illness in all its forms, including anxiety, depression, grief, ptsd. It's bipolar, etc. Yeah, um, I frankly think the me too movement did a ton to change the way we societally think about how we interact, what we prioritize, how we talk to each other. So I, I, you know, you're, you're you and you're you're uniquely you.
Speaker 1:I also think there's something about like a random 25 year old in the United States today versus me 13, 14 years ago, and like the social acceptance of talking about feelings and how are you actually doing? I don't want to hear about the bullshit or just work stuff Like how are you? I think we're moving in a good direction, that conversations like that are more common, accepted and maybe even expected than they were, certainly when I was in my early to mid-20s dude I, I actually agree.
Speaker 2:I can agree to that because, like even the past episodes, I first okay, kind of like after the first early episodes, I was like no, no, no, I gotta do this, this has to work, this has to be about this career. But then after that, um, I found myself so stressed about asking to show the achievements of the guests to a point where it's like, what am I doing? And didn't it feel fun and so, whereas whereas now, later on, with episodes like your story, that felt so empowering because there's substance, there's not a lot of substances in every day's conversation and especially in what we're exposed to, because nowadays it's just like I want to filter out the things that give me energy and take away those that draw energy, and that's what I would imagine.
Speaker 2:What when you were younger, it's like with that mindset of patrick, it like how hard was it to have that mindset change, because it's hard to know when we're going to mature, when we're still hanging on to the habits that still make us, that hold us back to truly becoming the real person that we are supposed to be. So how were you able to break those habits, especially the bad ones? How were you able to break those down, to really accept that, in order for you to want to be in a better place as a person, you have to let go of those things. What were some of the things that you had to do? That as a creative and as a father, well, yeah, before, but now into becoming a father and now where you want to be in the future.
Speaker 1:Man, big question, I mean. For me, one of the things I had to get very comfortable with in terms of changing and evolving is well, I may want to produce, write, direct host, engage with patient communities. I first have to sell these projects. I have to build consensus. I have to figure out how to build proposals. I have to figure out how budgets work, how to forecast budgets, how to timeline these things. Those were not things that came quickly or naturally to me and when we were first starting out it was a little easier to pay less attention to some of those elements because there was only so much work to be done. We only had so much going on. More productions we have happening in parallel timelines, the more the need for organization, efficiencies, those two things in particular that goes up and those don't necessarily come as naturally to me as the more creative and sort of human-oriented parts of the work. So on a professional level I had to accept over time, if I don't build some skill sets over in this department, I'm keeping a ceiling on my growth Now. At the same time I'm not going to grow in every direction at the same time.
Speaker 1:I don't edit. I cannot use Adobe Premiere. I sit with editors and email with editors and give notes on things pretty much every day of my life, but I don't edit. And if I spent the time now learning to become an editor as proficient as those I work with, I think I'd be wasting time, because there's so many things I can be putting my time toward that are really valuable that, unless I really want to edit, it just makes more sense for me to spend time elsewhere.
Speaker 1:So there's this you know how do you break bad habits, add some good habits, add some skills that, um, you know, just enable you to focus on that and develop yourself in these new directions.
Speaker 1:And then, at the same time, accepting I'm not going to learn every skill, I'm not, I'm never going to know Mandarin Like there's just things that are not going to happen. Um, and then, on the personal side, you know it's the bad habits that hold us back. It's the bad habits when I'm like how come that thing, what, there's usually something, oh, my, my sneaky eating crept up there and it meant I was eating late, and so I woke up tired and, oh, that's what it was. Um, so, over time, you know, know being real with myself about how my habits good and bad impact my lived experience every day, impact my output, impact the relationships I'm in and letting myself evolve. You know there's got to be a willingness to evolve, to let go, to accept. You know I've been doing this thing that's not serving me so well Like a pint of ice cream three, four times a week turns out not a great idea.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to stop doing that and it might be hard for a while. But I can find support, I can find structure, um, but I think willingness above all, man like, without the willingness there's no opportunity for long-term change. There's gotta be underlying willingness, or it's just kind of rearranging the deck furniture.
Speaker 2:We have to be sober. We're enough to really recognize that. There's a couple of things that I wanted to actually touch on because guys, believe it or not, we're actually almost done. See how fast that was. That was freaking crazy, oh my gosh. But I do want to shout out to your company the people that were on your team we do have ryan gillen, if I said this wrong, I'm sorry. We were watching this. I'm so sorry, uh. And then there's rob bradford. You mentioned him earlier, uh, joshua, and then I. There's a lot of people on your team and I recognized there were some filipino um um staff members in there. So filipino represent philip, philippines represent guys, hi, um.
Speaker 2:But now drama, do you go circle back on? You said with the? Uh at the camp, um, you did camp counselor. I remember in my research that was also where you also met a lot of the people, uh, this actors guild, that and also you mentioned about the show, the web series, everything. Basically that was also where you also met a lot of the people, this Actors Guild, and also you mentioned about the show, the web series, everything basically pretty much stemmed from there it turned out. I think it was last time. I remember Season 9. There's like a lot of episodes. Guys watch it. It's on IMDB. Okay, he also has IMDB. He was also on Amazon Prime. There was one show that he was on Keep an eye out for future projects.
Speaker 2:But there's a reason why I bring all this up. All of this led up to the creation of Believe LTD, limited to Patient People. You know it's really inspiring and also one of the hardest jobs that you guys have ever signed up for, because you mentioned earlier about it's it's. It's always a good thing to try to remember, not to bring the bad parts of your, of everything that you've been exposed to, into your family's life, into your personal life as a, as a ceo, and on productions that you are involved in. How are you ensuring yourself, uh, and making sure that the people that they're where they're sharing their stories to you? How are you ensuring that the production goes very well while respecting a very sensitive topic, taking it from pre-production to production and all the way to post-production? And I'm not sure if you have some sort of after production. You keep in touch with them to make sure that they're good. So what is that workflow like with your team of let's call it the Avengers? I like that the Believe.
Speaker 1:Avengers, yes, yeah, no, it's a great question Because we we really highlight that. Look, you can get quote unquote video producers. They're not hard to find. You can find a video producer and say, hey, there's a patient who's got a story. Go film with them, go for it. What I have learned, and, as mentioned earlier, we've been all around the world. We've been in people's homes and in sensitive environments all around the world, um, talking to people about some of the most sensitive parts of their life. I think there's nothing more important to emphasize than empathy. You know, sometimes I've learned, especially in this world of agencies and agency people. Man, some of these people, it's like, do you even like human beings? I'm telling you, I won't say which, but there's a project we worked on as a partner to another organization and the agency lead on behalf of that organization was so inappropriate.
Speaker 1:So, just like their, their energy, it was like these people weren't people. Part of our job was just like keeping that person the hell away from the patient participants that were in this program, cause it was like you don't even know how to talk to like a. How do you interact every day with humans, no less people with rare diseases, showing up to be vulnerable in front of cameras for your clients, stuff, no less like, yeah, a little respect. So you know we are a team of people that grew up at summer camps and who have been counselors and have been mentors. We're people, people, we're advocates, so we put our people in positions to succeed.
Speaker 1:The people we talk to for projects ahead of time, we're touching base, we're learning about them, they're getting to know who we are. We're getting to know who they are. The days that we're filming with them, we take the time we need to make sure they know what's happening. So that is, three cameras and a and a light and a boom mic are being set up in their small house. They're not like what the hell it's.
Speaker 1:It's like being a real human, it's being empathetic, it's sharing our own stories and allowing time, allowing for space. No, we're not in a rush. Even if we are, we're not putting any pressure on these human beings, who are not actors, who have said yes, you can come into my life and ask me very sensitive questions on high definition cameras that you will then turn into videos shared around the world. If we're not respecting that to the degree that enables us to show up happily, empathetic and working with them in spiritual alignment, as opposed to as though they're pawns in some stupid thing we're trying to create, there is no other option. Empathy is the only option and, I think, the most important thing that we've done from the core group of us that started Ryan Geelan, rob Bradford, amy Bradford, josh Bragg and I the people that we've brought on, like Drama Del Rosario, who you heart led- who are creative who are collaborators, who are wanting the world to be a better place, who want to give of their own gifts to make the world a better place.
Speaker 1:So we've just brought in the right humans to compliment the mission, vision and values that allowed us to be successful in the first place. And I think it's that, more than anything, just the bringing in of the right people as we go, that's allowed us to scale, you know, because it's one thing to have a particularly empathetic producer or director or whatever. It's another, it's another to have a fleet of them, to have an Avengers squad where, you know, everybody on that thing shares mission, vision, values and no matter which of us is the one who's going to, like, step through the doorway and go talk to the person. I know they're gonna, they're gonna talk to that person appropriately and with empathy.
Speaker 2:Everybody on my props to your team honestly, because I actually wanted to know from your ceo's uh uh point of view was there a shoot where you could clearly see how it impacted some of your staff members and when they walked away and then you noticed that over time they actually implemented a change in who they are and how they view the world after a specific production, can you name one moment where you are so proud as a CEO?
Speaker 1:Good question. Good question. I feel like it happens in small and subtle ways all the time. I had actually a conversation a week or two ago with someone who's been with us for a long time and they had a response to something that was just off and um, so I pulled them aside to sort of check in and, you know, in that check-in kind of found out what else was going on with them and why they may have been a little rattled and was able to, you know, help them, zoom out and remind them, like, what we're doing, what's going on, why the stressful thing is stressful and how it won't be stressful for forever.
Speaker 1:And what was cool about that interaction is the speed with which my staff member was like oh yeah, okay, that's a good point. Let me recalibrate. Um, um, should I apologize to that person? And it was like no, no, no, we're good, like nothing problematic has happened.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to get ahead of that Like nothing problematic has happened I'm trying to get ahead of that and it was. It wasn't as profound a moment as you're describing, but I think those kinds of moments happen much more often and are maybe even more important to highlight than a particular, you know lightbulby kind of moment, because they are so frequent and they're just these little little moments where people have been working a bit too hard or a little overstretched, or, yeah, there was a thing with the flight that morning and then they had to get all the gear and then da, da, da, da, da, da da. Yeah, so just having the awareness to say let me just pause and sidebar with so-and-so for two minutes to see how we can help them feel better today, because otherwise we're all going to have a problem pretty soon. So that's what comes to mind. I know there have been those moments of transformation, but that moment from I think it was Tuesday of last week actually, that's what comes to mind.
Speaker 2:One of the beautiful things as a creative is that we do have almost this like godlike power of changing, creating impact in somebody's life, because each of us, we have our own world within ourselves and what we are exposed to and the people that we're around with oftentimes it informs how we shape our internal world and how our internal world will reflect back to the actual world that we live in, and so the transformation you talk about might not seem huge, but for that person, that literally was almost like another moon was just put into their orbit, and that it's like, it's a life-changing thing that oftentimes we don't ever look back and be grateful for. And that's it's still just as a beautiful thing that you did but, and the wonderful thing that's that's it's still just as a beautiful thing that you did but. And the wonderful thing that's so refreshing is the fact that, as a ceo whereas in this, in this freaking generation where there's a lot of like corporate no, you're just a number you need to do your job. Oh, you're late.
Speaker 2:Please put in your paper next tuesday the fact that you took that person, um, gave them empathy. That is such a rare trait nowadays and I I want to applaud you for that, um. And then with believe ltd, with the projects that you guys have produced. What are you, what are what's the next coming up for y'all? Because you y'all have, like my beautiful stutter on the shoulder of giants, how? And then the Chris the blood bombardier. What are some of the upcoming projects that you cannot wait to just produce or are already producing and can't wait to show to the world With some NDA? Okay, if they're still in production, we'll keep an NDA on that, go ahead.
Speaker 1:A project I'm really excited about, a project I'm really excited about. We've been working on a documentary about Ryan White, who was a boy with hemophilia who, through contaminated blood product, contracted HIV and hepatitis C. If you Google Ryan White hemophilia, you have plenty to read. In short, it's my position that Ryan White was arguably the single most important human being on planet Earth between 1985 and 1990. And that's no small statement. I acknowledge that. But Ryan White, I think, did more to change the perception and response to HIV and AIDS in America, certainly, and around the world, more than anyone else.
Speaker 1:And for 10 years we've been working on a documentary about his life and impact and I'm very proud to say that we have an advanced edit. It's all but complete, barring one key celebrity interview. That will happen and the expectation is that this film will be making its way into the world next year. So after 10 years of slugging away at it in the background you know it was never funded. We picked up a little bit of money here and there and otherwise we were just trying to be as DIY about it as possible, which is why it took so long. But we are now that we are now in the red zone of like this is going to be in the world before too much longer. It is so good, his story is extraordinary and we got the people. We have the people in his world and in his life. We got them. So, uh, it's called poster child. It's about ryan white and if I get my druthers before too long, you'll be hearing about it in some major entertainment circles.
Speaker 2:Stay tuned for that, guys. Now the last question is if your brother were here today, looking back all the time say he comforted you during the hardest moments, highs and lows what do you think he would say about the life and the impact that you've created?
Speaker 1:I think he'd say are you done with all this shit yet? Huh, I think he'd say are you done with all this shit yet? I think he'd say, are you done with all this shit yet? Like my brother was a pretty chill dude, like all this fuss, that's that. That's been done in his honor and as a result of his death like I feel like he'd be like all right enough, stop, enough, stop.
Speaker 1:Can you do anything else? Um, you know he was a good dude and, um, he wasn't about himself, he was about the people around him. He was a truth teller and he didn't care if you liked it or not. Um, he was creative and had an expansive imagination. Um, I think he would think all this stuff is cool, and I think he'd also be like are you happy? Like, are you? Are you doing all the things you want to be doing? Like, please, stop doing this. If it's for me and I'll be honest with you, man, it's not for him anymore I love my brother. I'll love him to the day I die.
Speaker 1:He, uh, he started all this as much as I did, but at this point, I don't do it for him. I do it for the people who are here now, and his life helps inspire me to keep going sometimes, but it's about the people who are here now. That's who needs it. It's not just about him or people with hemophilia, and it's about people with rare, chronic and complex conditions all around the world and how I can use my skills, network resources to tell stories that improve their lives, and I thank him for his role in that, but it's not about him anymore. Hmm, and he's okay Quiet guys.
Speaker 1:Oh, hey, talk quiet and he's okay with that. Like I said, he's a chill dude, so he's like you never had to do this in the first place, so it's fine that it's not about me well, guys, that is actually.
Speaker 2:I have to let patrick go, but thank you, patrick, so much for taking the time to do this. And um the sauce, the socials, he doesn't have time to say it. I'll put in description and a text, guys, thank you so much for tuning in and patrick, please. Guys, thank you so much for tuning in and Patrick, please, please, please. Thank you so much for your time, dude. I really appreciate it and I hope you have a wonderful day today, wherever you're going. Please, please, take care of yourself. Drink some water, okay.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:Thank you, and that is it for the Hymn Record episode. I'll see you guys in the next one. Bye-bye, and that's a wrap for today's episode on Hymn Record. Thank you so much for sticking with us and I do hope that today's episode was insightful and also it gave you some kind of fresh perspective in your creative journey. If you're listening on Spotify or any other podcast platform, a quick review is definitely going to help. It helps other people find us and, for those that are watching on YouTube, make sure you drop a comment down below or a question, because I would love to see what your thoughts are. If you have any takeaways, advice, insights, anything of the sort, I'd love to see what you guys have. And, most importantly, I hope you guys can take away a lot from these conversations, especially if you have hearing loss or disabilities, because I want you to know that you are not limited by your condition and that you are more than just that. Thank you so much for watching, stay inspired and I'll see you all in the next episode. Thank you.
